A picture speaks a thousand words...

They say ' A picture speaks a thousand words'...let's test it!!!

What do you make of these pictures???

Bottom Up approach in Software Industry...

Programmer to Team Leader:

'We CAN NOT do this proposed project. It will involve a major design change and no one in our team knows the design of this system. Also nobody in our company knows the language in which this application has been written. If you ask my personal opinion, the company should never take this type of project.'

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Team Leader to Project Manager:

'This project will involve a design change. Currently, we don't have any staff who has experience in this type of work. Also, the language is unfamiliar to us, so we will have to arrange for some training if we take this project. In my personal opinion, we are not ready to take on a project of this nature.'

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Project Manager to 1st Level Manager:

'This project involves a design change in the system and we don't have much experience in that area. Also, not many people in our company are appropriately trained for it. In my personal opinion, we would need more time than usual to complete it.'

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1st Level Manager to Senior Level Manager:

'This project involves design re-engineering. We have some people who have worked in this area and others who know the implementation language, so they can train other people. In my personal opinion we should take this project, but with caution.'

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Senior Level Manager to CEO:

'This project will demonstrate to the industry our capabilities in remodeling the design of a complete legacy system. We have all the necessary skills and people to execute this project successfully. Some people have already given in house training in this area to other staff

members. In my personal opinion, we should not let this project slip by us under any circumstances.'

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CEO to Client:

'This is the type of project in which our company specializes. We have executed many projects of the same nature for many large clients. Trust me when I say that we are the most competent firm in the industry for doing this kind of work. It is my personal opinion that we can execute this project successfully and well within the given time frame.'

Romantic 1st lines.... Deadly 2nd lines

Another nice email forward...

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A local newspaper ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line... but the least romantic second line. Here are some of the entries they received.

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

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Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

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Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not

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I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face

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I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
s=
"Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

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My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life

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I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming

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My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way

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My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell"

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What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime

A good moral story: Just for fun...

Received a nice email forward a few days back...

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The best relation ever is between two eyes,

"they blink together, move together, cry together, see together and sleep together".

STILL they never see directly each other.

But when they see a girl, one eye blinks and another does not.

Moral of the story: A girl can break any kind of relationship....

असेच काही तरी...

ज्योतीष या विषयाचे आणि माझे फारसे सख्य नाही. वार्षिक राशिभविष्य आणि त्यावर गाढ विश्वास असणारे लोक ह्यांच्यापासून मी तसा लांबच असतो...एक तर आपल्या आयुष्यात पुढे काय होणार हे जाणून घ्यायची इतकी उस्तुकता का असते कोणास ठाऊक. त्यात परत आपल्या मनासारखे (म्हणजे आपले सगळे चांगले होईल असे सांगणारे) भविष्य जोवर कानांवर पडत नाही तोवर लोकांना चैन पडत नाही.

’ते अमके अमके चांगले भविष्य सांगतात हो...’ असे ऐकले की मला हसुच येते... ’चांगले भविष्य’ सांगतात की ’खरे भविष्य’?

पण लोकांना ’चांगले भविष्य’ च ऐकायचे असते...आणि मग ते जोवर ऐकायला मिळत नाही तोवर एका ज्योतिषाकडून दुसर्याकडे, एका महाराजांकडून दुसर्या ’बाबा’ कडे असे भटकावे लागते. चतुर आणि चाणाक्ष ज्योतिषी हे बरोबर ओळखतात आणि फक्त ’चांगले भविष्य’ च सांगतात...

वर आणखी ’भविष्य’ चांगले नसेल तर उपाय पण सुचवतात...वाईट योग टाळण्यासाठी... म्हणजे छोटे-मोठे अभिषेक करुन, यद्न्य-याग करुन वाईट भविष्य बदलता येते, किंवा त्याची तीव्रता कमी करता येते!!! काय अजब प्रकार आहे... पण (अधू डोक्याच्या) लोकांना ते पटते सुद्धा.

अगदी चांगली शिकली सवरलेली लोकंही ह्याच्या मागे लागतात आणि वेग-वेगळी कारणे देतात... उदा. भविष्य चांगले आहे असे ऐकून जर मानसिक शांती मिळणार असेल आणि त्यामुळे नवी जिद्द मिळणार असेल तर त्यात वाईट काय आहे? किंवा कमकुवत लोकांच्या मनासाठी तो मानसिक आधार आहे आणि ते वाईट मार्गाल लागण्यापेक्षा, भविष्यामुळे जर आशावादी रहणार असतील तर ते चांगलेच आहे....म्हणजे शास्त्रीय आधारावर ’ज्योतीष’ कमी पडते असे दिसायला लागल्यावर ’मानसशास्त्रीय’ कारणे पुढे करायची...असो.

तसा मीही ’विरंगुळा’ आणि ’विनोद’ म्हणून राशीभविष्य वाचतो...माझे भविष्य कधीच वाईट नसते, पण तरीही त्याचा मला काही उपयोग नसतो.

म्हणजे लहानपणी शाळेत असताना माझे भविष्य असायचे ’वैवाहिक सौख्य लाभेल’ किंवा ’पुत्रसौख्य लाभेल’ आणि आता भविष्य असते: ’परिक्षेत सुयश मिळेल’ किंवा ’अभ्यासात प्रगती होईल’ ...म्हणजे भविष्य चांगले असून मला उपयोगी काहीच नाही...

सध्या माझे वाईट दिवस चालु आहेत. म्हणजे तसे ते आता कायमचेच झाले आहे... ’आज रोख उद्या उधार’ किंवा ’आज पार्कींग समोर आहे’ सारखे ’सध्या माझे वाईट दिवस चालु आहेत’... लोकांना एकच राशी असते, माझी रास मात्र सारखी बदलत असते. ज्या राशीला साडेसाती चालु असेल ती माझी रास! माझे नशीब इतके वाईट आहे, की जर मी विजेच्या दिव्याला पकडून शॊक घेऊन मरायचे असे ठरवले, तर नेमके त्यावेळी ’भारनियमनामुळे’ वीज बंद असेल...असो.

एका ज्योतीषाने माझी पत्रिका पाहून मी उच्चशिक्षण घेणार असे आधीच सांगितले होते म्हणे...आता मी MBA केल्यावर त्याला जोर चढला: ’बघा...मी म्हणालो नव्हतो...बाळाचे पाय पाळण्यातच दिसले होते मला...हाहाहा...’

...मी त्याला म्हणणार होतो...की बाळाचे पाय दिसले तसे त्याच बाळाची MBA नंतर (किंवा त्यामुळेच?!) चड्डी ओली (आणि पिवळी पण) होणार आहे ते नव्हते का दिसले...

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परवा एका दिवाळी अंकातले माझे भविष्य वाचत होतो...लिहिले होते: ’उच्चशिक्षणासाठी परदेशगमनाचा योग आहे’...वाचून मला घामच फुटला... म्हणजे मागच्या वर्षभर मी  UK ला राहून MBA करून आलो ते काय होते?

म्हणजे UK हा परदेश नाही की MBA हे ’उच्चशिक्षण’ नाही?

असो...मी मात्र आता ’खूप शिकून खूप मोठ्ठा’ झालो आहे..., त्यामुळे अगदी ते भविष्य खरे होण्यासारखे असले तरी मी काही उच्चशिक्षणासाठी परदेशी जणार नाही...

A tale of two interviews

Scene 1:

Year: 2006

(Pretext: Mr. K has written a very difficult entrance test for a company and has successfully passed it...and is now ready for personal interview with panel of two people)

Mr. X: Mr. K, congratulations! You have successfully passed such a difficult first level...how did you find our test?

Mr. K: (hesitation) Ammm...(hesitation) well, it was good...

Mr. X: Don't worry, open up! Feel free to say what you want to say...

Mr. K: Well, the test was very difficult and challenging, but had very little relevance with the kind of job profile it was used for. I mean how does solving a few mathematics problems or puzzles justify that candidate is capable of writing a Business proposal or talking to client?

Mr. X (angrily): What do you mean? You think the entrance test was waste?

Mr. Y: (chipping in as a mediator): Mr. K, you know, Mr. X has developped that test himself! He is the head of our recruitment drive and identifies right skills-sets for various job profiles.

Mr. K: Well, I am not saying anything against Mr. X...you asked me what I felt about the test...you asked for my "honest" answer, didn't you? So I am saying that...

Mr. X (interrupting Mr. K): .....so? You know, we eliminate 99.5% of the candidates though that test! We reject them all and short-list only 0.5% of candidates for the next level...

Mr. K (with a faint smile): ...and you think that is your 'achievement', you take pride in eliminating people? What is your primary objective? Do you want to 'recruit' people or 'eliminate' them? What is so great in subjecting candidates to difficult questions they are not required to know to do their work...and humilitate them by rejecting most of them...and still take pride in this?

Mr. X: (almost trembling...and looking at his mobile that was switched off long ago) Mr Y., I think I have got some important call to attend, you take it forward and I will talk to you later...

(Mr. X leaves the room)

Mr. Y: Mr. K...

Mr. K (interrupts and gets up): I think I am not qualified for this job...I should have been in the other 99.5%, but by some mistake was shortlisted. I do not want to take this interview further. Nice meeting you...bye.

(In less than 5 minutes - Mr. K receives an email... "Mr. K...though your achievements are impressive we regret to inform you that...")

Scene 2:

Year: 2008

(Pretext: Mr. K is appearing for a telephonic interview)

Mr. X (after usual 'tell-me-something-about-youself' questions): So Mr. K, in Java/J2EE...blah blah blah...

Mr. K: (as if reading the answer from a book)..blah blah blah...

Mr. X: What is .........

Mr. K: ......

(similar Q&A happens for 30-35 mins)

Mr. X: OK, I have no further questions....you seemed to be knowing this questions. You were answering as if you had answer sheet in front of you.

Mr. K: Well, to be honest, I have conducted interviews, and I know all the typical no-brainer questions that can be found on any website.

Mr. X: So you think these questions are not important or nece

It's Impossible To Please Women

Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out over five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return.

A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some husbands.

First floor

The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids."

The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

Second floor

The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking."

"Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"

Third floor

This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework.""Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went."

Fourth floor

This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak."

"Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on!"

So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor

The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your left, we hope you fall down the stairs..."